Friday, February 17, 2006

Captivated, Chapter Four

This chapter was a difficult one to read. I must admit, I was slightly sick and physically shaking as I read some of it. I resonated so much with my childhood and much of what I felt as a child and since then, as an adult. As I read I slightly wondered if this book might not be too overwhelming for me to think about. But I know the meat of this book is so needed in not only my life, but the lives of so many women I know, that I'm pressing on.

If a woman is comfortable with her own femininity, her beauty, her strength, then the chances are good that her daughter will be too. (p. 61)

...the reason there are so many struggling women is because there were so many wounded girls. (p. 64)

We can't put words to is, but down deep we fear there is something terribly wrong with us. If we were the princess, then our price would have come. If we were the daughter of a king, he would have fought for us. We can't help but belief that if we were different, if we were better, then we would have been loved as we so longed to be. It must be us. (p. 69)

The vows we make as children are very understandable - and very, very damaging. They shut our hearts down. They are essentially a deep-seated agreement with the messages of our wounds. They act as an agreement with the verdict on us. "Fine. If that's how it is, then that's how it is. I'll live my life in the following way..." (p. 70)

Shame causes us to hide. We are afraid of being truly seen, and so we hide our truest selves and offer only what we believe is wanted. If we are a dominating kind of woman, we offer our "expertise." If we are a desolate kind of woman, we offer our "service." We are silent and do not say what we see or know when it is different from what others are saying, because we think we must be wrong. We refuse to bring the weight of our lives, who God has made us to be, to bear on others out of a fear of being rejected. (p. 74)

The wounds we received and the messages they brought formed a sort of unholy alliance with out fallen nature as women. From Eve we received a deep mistrust in the heart of God toward us. Clearly, he's holding out on us. We'll just have to arrange for the life we want. We will control our world. But there is also an ache deep within, an ache for intimacy and for life. We'll have to find a way to fill it. A way that does not require us to trust anyone, especially God. A way that will not require vulnerability.
In some ways, this is every little girl's story, here in this world, east of Eden.
But the wounds don't stop once we are grown up. Some of the most crippling and destructive wounds we receive come much later in our lives. The wounds that we have received over our lifetimes have not come to us in a vacuum. There is, in fact, a theme to them, a pattern. The wounds you have received have come to you for a purpose from one who knows all you are meant to be and fears you. (p. 75)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

So true...I'm reading this book and it's piercing me straight to my heart...this book is probably one of the more powerful books I've read. Very convicting, very encouraging at the same time...

3:33 PM  

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