Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Welcome 2005

It doesn’t really seem like the new year has arrived. I have certain things I do every year on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day and was unable to do them this year because I’ve been so ill. It doesn’t feel like the new year yet, and I feel somewhat aimless and drifting

I’ve been really sick and have no choice but to take it easy and let things slide for a bit. Luckily, there’s not too much going on in my life right now that I can’t move around. Other than work, this week will be an easy one. I’m trying to sleep in a take a nap before I leave for work.

I didn’t really make any specific resolutions this year. Some years I do and some years I don’t. I almost always pick a “theme” for the year that gives me something to focus on. I don’t really have a catchy phrase yet for this year’s. That’s one the things I usually work on after Christmas and haven’t yet gotten to.

I have sets some goals for my spiritual growth this year. I plan on really studying the gospels. I will be reading them through every quarter and digging into the meat of the books. I want to do some character studies of the major players, study the customs and habits of the time and learn more about Jesus, so I can become more like Him.

I want to read Brock and Bodie Thoene’s series that is set during the time of Christ as well this year. I have book one, although I think I loaned it out.

I want to try some new authors this year, especially in the growing inspiration fiction market. I also want to get back in the habit of reading at night before bed. I used to love that, but when I began working such extreme overtime, I was too tired to read at night.

And speaking of overtime, the biggest change I want to make this year is about my job. I have come to the place where I have to move on. I enjoy my work, and I get along with my co-workers. I love working just minutes from home and I enjoy the second shift hours. I will have been there ten years in April and enjoy the extra week of vacation and the perks that come with seniority.

But I am tired of the politics and tired of always being on the losing side. I’m tired of bullies and managers that step on everyone around them to get their way. I’m tired of the promise of revenue trumping basic human decency and compassion. And I’m really tired of doing work that doesn’t matter at all. Nothing I do makes a bit of difference to the world around me. In fact, 90% of what I do, gets redone the next day because it wasn’t good enough the first time. Everything I touch is done over and over again. In fact, much of what I do is re-doing someone else’s work.

I think my company is the perfect example of what we turn into when we let money dictate every decision. Good, quality people are exploited and those in charge make poor decision, after poor decision. I think it’s time to move on. The decisions made in the last few months have shown me a pattern of poor thinking and compromise that is sure to be more of a burden as time goes on.

Now, having decided to move on to a new job, the question is where. I don’t really want to stay in this industry. I enjoy being a graphic designer and am not averse to continuing in that field, but I want in an industry that seems to be making a difference in the world. I want my ministry to become my career and I want to spend my time on something that will outlive me.

I have some ideas of jobs that interest me, but am willing to let God direct me in this search. He led me to the job I have now and it has been a great opportunity. This is the time to move on, though and I pray that God will provide the perfect opportunity in His time. I really want my next job to be one that God has picked out just for me.

Until then, I am pulling back from my workplace on an emotional level. I will not continue to work insane hours and sacrifice my health just so upper management can get a bonus. I will no longer put aside my plans and goals to accommodate my boss and I will not feel guilty about it. That’s a big step for me, but I can no longer live a life that pleases God and do the things my company asks of me. It’s coming down to one or the other.


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